Aug 8, 2006

Fighting Your Way Out Of a Paper Bag

..."I have never taken any banned substance, including testosterone," Landis said in a previous statement. "I was the strongest man at the Tour de France, and that is why I am the champion. I will fight these charges with the same determination and intensity that I bring to my training and racing. It is now my goal to clear my name and restore what I worked so hard to achieve."

Hmmm...sounds like the vow O.J. Simpson made to find the real killer of his ex-wife years ago. How's that goin' for ya O.J.? Sure, they say that NOW. Let's make a date shall we and meet back here in one year to see if Mr. Landis has indeed cleared his name.

Maybe I am a little miffed about liars today. I had to take Jack's video games away because he was playing them too much. It's a beautiful summer and he was spending copious amounts of time in the basement, face glued to the t.v. screen. Well, two days ago, I told him no more. Video games are DUNZO for the summer. I did not unhook said video game because I trusted my 11 year old son and thought he would make the right choices. Umm, no. Caught him last night red-handed. Omigosh, just as I am tying this Jack came up to me with a prepared "apology speech" written on 4 index cards. I tried to keep a straight face as he read through them. The first line started with "Mom, I am deeply sorry - I don't know what came over me." Ahhh, full of it. Just like his Momma.

Speaking of disobedient children, both Jack and Ellie were caught swearing last week. Well, they ratted themselves out actually. At 2:00 p.m. Jack revealed to me that the day before Ellie had swore. (a BAD word) I reprimanded her and warned BOTH OF THEM that if they were to do it again their mouths would be washed out with soap. And not the good soap. Cheap Dollar Store soap! Not two hours later, Ellie tattles on Jack for having said the same word. I promptly marched them up the stairs and into the dreaded bathroom where the sacrificial soap ceremony would take place. Jack knew what he was in for and was extremely hesitant to place this rather sudsy bar in his mouth. Ellie, on the other hand, was up for the challenge. She had no experience with this nasty consequence and didn't think it would be that bad. So there she was, rubbing that bar of soap on her tongue like there was no tomorrow. She actually gave Jack the confidence to complete his punishment. (although not with the same fervour I might add) So, two clean tongues later we left for Beppe's house where I then ratted them out. A few words of advice from the grandparents always helps. I left for volleyball hoping my mother would reform my children from being outright hooligans. Apparently while I was away Ellie informed my mother that she knew she had done wrong and that she had sent all the bad words in her head to Los Angeles ... and the Devil who "made her do it" to Las Vegas. (great choice for the devil, huh?) She was now free from sin. I felt really good about that. I just feel sorry for the people in Los Angeles and Las Vegas cuz apparently they're all going to hell in a handbasket...


mom of 2 said...

Funny story! How old is your daughter? Sounds like she's got a great imagination...sending all the bad words to L.A....hilarious!! My daughter is 8 and learned the "f" word on the playground last year...not good! We were not happy!! So far (that I know of) she hasn't said it or any others, but I would imagine when her little brother learns these words that he'll be compelled to say them again and again!

The note card apology from your son is too cute! Did you manage a straight face through all of it??

Chunks said...

Keep the apology note, it will be so much funnier when you are a year or two away from it!!

I have such a potty mouth that is seems my kids don't care about the shock value of swearing. I tell them they can swear when they can vote!

Tim Bailey said...

that's what happens when you let your kids hang out with ours.

a bad case of poopmouth.