Oct 31, 2006

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Today marks my 365th day of blogging!

Oct 29, 2006

Life Lessons

Very important things I have learned during my 37 years of life...

Never say maybe to a kid. Maybe=yes in their eyes.

Always go for the epidural.

If the milk looks bad, it probably is.

When squeegee-ing, keep your squeegee at a 40 degree angle. (or was it 30?)

When company comes over, closets and drawers hide a multitude of sins.

Listen your intuition - it knows more than you do.

Never say maybe to your husband. Maybe=yes in their eyes.

Laundry is like that mean teacher in highschool, it will never cut you some slack.

Never say "Let's try something different" to your hairdresser.

Nurture your friendships - good friends are the ones who will keep you sane.

Raw oysters will NEVER taste good. No matter what.

Whenever you think drinking tequila is a good thing, it's not. It never is.

There's nothing wrong with cookies for breakfast.

Never be afraid to try something new. (except raw oysters)

Never play with matches.

Don't sweat the small stuff. In one hundred years we'll all be dead and no-one will care if your souffle fell.

Never piss off your waiter or waitress. Never!

If it looks too good to be true - it is.

Appreciate the small things, it lowers your expectations.

Don't worry. Be happy.

Oct 27, 2006

57 Condiments and Nothing to Eat

My husband has a thing for condiments. So much so that there are now 57 variations in our fridge. 57 - I counted them! Every time he comes home he has another beauty to add to the bunch. We have every pickle known to mankind, every mustard on the face of the earth, flavoured mayonnaise, jellies, jams, chutneys, hot sauces, hot peppers, sweet peppers, pickled onions, pickled mushrooms (yuk!) salad dressings of every colour, various marinades and bbq sauces and a good assortment of salsas.

You would think with this array of condiments I might be inspired to cook something yummy tonight. Nah. I'm thinkin' pizza...

Oct 26, 2006

Top Ten

Ten Things That Bug/Irk/Irritate Me:

1) My alarm clock
2) Cold wind
3) A phone ringing when there's no cordless to be found
4) An empty tank of gas on a freezing cold, windy day
5) Ellie yelling "O.K.YUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" to Jack
6) Madonna's "accent"
7) That Canadian red-headed chick who seems to be in EVERY commerical
8) My computer that constantly freezes up
9) Tripping over Wilbur's bones at night
10) Negative People :)

Ten Things That Float My Boat:

1) The sun shining
2) Blissfully sleeping children, all snug in their beds
3) A Tim's coffee first thing in the morning
4) A close parking space on a cold day
5) Secretly going back to bed when the kids leave for school
6) When hubby comes home safe on a Friday night
7) Dinner out
8) Checking out my favourite blogs
9) Re-arranging my furniture
10) Playing volleyball

Oct 25, 2006

I Think She Forgot Her Pants

Undeniable truth that money can't buy taste.

Oct 24, 2006

Come, Listen to Me Bitch and Complain

O.K. Here goes:

- We are having November weather in October. Cold, rainy and no sunshine. (hence the name of today's post) What ever happened to Indian Summer?

- I just made a big batch of chocolate chip cookies and they are about as flat as my breasts would look in a mammogram machine. (or, just laying down) Every single time I attempt to make chocolate cookies they turn out this way. Very frustrating. Still good with a tall glass of cold milk though.

- Jack has just popped yet another bag of popcorn in the microwave so now the house stinks. There is something about microwave popcorn that is just not right.

- Every single lovin' time I get on the phone my kids interrupt me. When I tell them to stop talking they then try to sign language what they want, as if that is less obtrusive to a conversation.

- Jack is staring at me as I write this and just let out a BIG sigh. He's bored as he is banned from his Gameboy - more punishment to me than to him I say.

- Wilbur is bored too. He is much like a petulant child running from me when I go to punish him. He wouldn't let me grab him by the collar to put him in the bathroom for a time-out. Instead he scooted by me and put himself in there. Won't listen to "Come!" but will willingly take the punishment. I swear there's a little person in there underneath all that fur.

- I had this house spotless on Friday for my the dinner party we held. Saturday morning when I woke up it looked like a freight train had run though it. How can a house get that dirty in a day??

I think that's enough bitchin' and complaining for one day. I feel better already!

Oct 22, 2006

'Snow Way!

These images may be considered lovely - if they weren't taken on October 20th!

Oct 20, 2006

Oct 19, 2006


I am driving home after volleyball with two talkative children. Perhaps it's the Oreos, chocolate Oreos, kicking in that my mother deemed appropriate to feed them right before their bedtime.

Jack states:

"Women are complicated. You need a book this big to understand them. (he stretches his arms as though he showing the size of the biggest fish ever caught)

Ellie knowingly agrees and replies:

"Yeah. You need a book this big to understand boys." (she mimics him excitedly)

Mom adds sarcastically:

"No you don't." (Mom knows the male species)

Jack adds intuitively with a chuckle -

"Yeah, you don't."

It's nice to know he understands.

Oct 18, 2006

Playing With Fire

My son seems to have a fascination with fire lately. I have now caught him twice lighting matches and thought I had made my point clear regarding that situation. The point where I explain that I too liked matches when I was his age. So much so that I lit a whole pack, then realized it was hard to blow out an entire pack of burning matches so I threw them into my bedroom garbage can and watched the entire contents go up in a blaze of glory. Almost burned down the whole house. Well, apparently that story meant nothing to Jack as he again lit matches in his room last night. He then opened his window and used a can full of Oust to get rid of the tell-tale smell. And then lied about it. So not only do I have a pyromaniac on my hands, worse - a lying pyromaniac.

It is the most dreary day here. Cold, overcast and miserable. A friend just called from Carmel, California and told me it is so hot outside she had to sit in the shade. California dreamin' indeed...

Oct 17, 2006

To Blog Or Not To Blog...

It occurred to me that I will do anything to get out of cleaning my house. Jackie commented on my lack of blogging so here I go...

I should mention that it has been almost one year that I have been blogging. Blogging to save my sanity. I can't keep a diary but somehow I can blog. Doesn't make sense. Ah, if there were only a way to blog and get paid. Unfortunately I am not dooce. Queen of all blogs. Able to take the written word and transform it into something witty, interesting, sarcastic and always funny. Able to parlay her blog into an insanely addictive daily ritual for mere mortals. The coolest chick in cyberspace.

But enough about her. Let's talk about me.

My father's 75th birthday is Friday and I am hosting everyone for dinner so, yes, it's time to clean house. Oh but wait, it's too early for any real pressure so I probably won't start cleaning until late Friday afternoon. I have to get organized here! I need to simplify and get a cleaning schedule down. There is an organized person in me somewhere - I think I can hear her screaming...

Oct 14, 2006

The Forecast Calls For Pain

Every single muscle in my weary body aches. And volleyball might have something to do with it. Yes, now we are playing volleyball through the fall and winter at my children's school. There is a big difference in playing indoors. First of all, you exert more energy. Second of all, well, that's it really. I have to remember that I am no longer 16 - but a 37 year old who just had an x-ray to test for oseteoarthritis. And please, don't ask if we won. It's having fun that counts. (my new mantra)

I used to love the Fall but now I hate it. Sure the leaves are pretty but now they are quickly falling to the ground leaving a rather barren landscape. So depressing. I think I'd rather look at snow. Thankfully Juergen and I have this cruise to look forward to in late November. We are going with 5 other couples and are really looking forward to it. This group is a scream. I would love to make up t-shirts for us all - does anyone know where you can get custom made t-shirts done cheaply? (is that a word?)

Today I have a very exciting day planned. Hubby is working all weekend so I am going to clean the kids' rooms from stem to stern. WOW! I just can't wait! Yeah, right. Somehow it seems easier to do on a Saturday. Weekdays I love to do my errands and make sure they last long enough to conveniently forget that the house is ashambles. I'm good like that.

P.S. Thanks Tim :)

Oct 12, 2006

You Snooze You Lose?

I have a love/hate relationship with my snooze button. I am thankful for it yet loathe it at the very same time. When my alarm goes off I gleefully pound that snooze button and plop my head back on my pillow. When it goes off the second and third times (I know, I'm sick) it annoys the hell out of me. I don't wake up happy and wanting to get out of bed. I wake up tired! Wanting to stay IN my bed...with the nice, warm flannel sheets ... cold, plump feather pillows. I don't understand people who wake up on the first alarm, get up, stretch their arms up over their head and greet the morning with a smile. Bah humbug!

So I went for an x-ray at the hospial yesterday. This inquistive older man in line asked me why I was there - what was I having done and why - and was I pregnant? So everyone in the place knew exactly what was going on with 'lil 'ol me because I am too polite to say "None of your business!". My hip has been bothering me for close to a year now with flare-ups and the doctor thinks I may have osteoarthritis. Lucky me - it runs in the family.

The forecast here is rain, sprinkled with rain, on top of more rain. Wilbur is out-of-his-mind bored so I thought I would take home for a quick walk this morning. Of course it started to POUR and we had to run home. Now he is still bored and totally wet. NOT a good combination. I think it's going to be a long Fall....

Oct 4, 2006

Here Comes the Bride, Not

I'm sure they thought it was a good idea at the time...

Talk about having no friends.

Really, hasn't she used up her 15 minutes of fame yet?

Geez, what is it with politicians today??

Yikes! Remind me not to sunbathe nude in my backyard.

Oct 3, 2006

Wilbur, Worried

FOR THE LIFE OF ME I cannot post videos to Photobucket but I promised SoCalMuchacha this video of Wilbur. In it Wilbur is watching a video of her dog Rudy who is howling at some sirens outside. Wilbur is very concerned and very perplexed.

Oct 2, 2006

Public Bathrooms, Flower Girl Dresses and Sarcasm

I hate public bathrooms. Hate them! Today I went into one at our local Walmart and was it ever disgusting. I think all public restrooms should have those paper thingys that you put over the toilet seat. So while I am in there today I notice all the scratchings on the wall. Can I just ask - WHO has the patience (and time) to scratch their name on a bathrom stall dooor? When I get in there I just want to get out! And fast. I am certainly not going to carve in L.M.'s initials and then take the time to say what her expertise is below.

Ellie is the flower girl in my brother's upcoming wedding this Saturday. I have been desperately trying to find her shoes to match her dress to no avail. And I have looked everywhere. One bridal store wanted me to rent disgusting, worn shoes for $15.00. I think I would have preferred her barefoot. Anyway, today my sister and I ventured State side and we found the perfect pair of glass slippers for her. They didn't have her size so I went one up and crossed my fingers that they would fit. When Ellie came home from school she was so excited to try them on - and magically, just like Cinderella, the glass slipper fit perfectly. I am thrilled. That brings her flower girl dress/tiara/shoes/cape total to $300.00. Owch. I guess no new dress for Mommy then!

I just found out that October is "National Sarcasm Month." (Melody and Jamie will be thrilled to hear this) Well, Happy Sarcasm Month to ya! ;)