Aug 31, 2006

$150 Later - It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

So the kids and I went on our annual late August pilgrimage to Staples, centre of the universe for school supplies. I was armed with TWO lists from school, one boldly stating at the bottom that "Getting all of the items on this list will be your child's first assignment" Oh really? Is he going to be marked on this shopping excursion? If heaven forbids he gets the wrong pens, will he be punished?


This list had everything on it - pens, markers, pencils, lined paper, grid paper, highlighters, erasers, duotangs, rulers, a box of KLEENEX...the list goes on and on but I won't bore you with it. Safe to say the school board must be in cahoots with Staples. The one item on this list that really bugged me are tennis balls.
For the bottom of the kids' chairs. They are actually packaged for said purpose. I ask you - do I NEED to purchase tennis balls so their chairs won't make that awful schreeching sound when moved? And furthermore, what happened to the tennis balls I bought LAST YEAR? Have they spontaneously combusted? Disintegrated? Where are they???

So, it's over. After spending what seemed like an eternity in that store, aimlessly walking around with two lists and a cart ram-jam full of necessities, the kids are now prepared to learn. They are jazzed and excited to start school. And when I say 'jazzed' and 'excited' I really mean they can't wait to see their old friends.

Aug 30, 2006

Top Ten Reasons Why The Kids Should Go Back to School

1: They're getting on my nerves.


Ahh, forget about numbers 2 through 10 - #1 sums it up.

Aug 29, 2006

The Gambler

That's me on the left, Mel on the right...

;)


Last night was a fun night. My parents, aunt, two second cousins and my sister went to the casino over in Akwesasne, NY. It was my first time there and I was excited - much like a 5 year old school girl on her first day of kindergarten. Oh the anticipation! It's funny, 7 people walk into a casino and it's every man for himself. Melody and I paired up though and sat ourselves down at a couple of nickel slot machines being the big spenders that we are. I had $50 USD to spend and within a half hour that amount was up to $180.00. "Hey! This is fun" I thought "Let's have a drink to celebrate!" WAITRESS! The waitress comes over, looks at me and says "I'm gonna need to see some i.d." I look at Mel, Mel looks at me, we smile and laugh and I think that this is quite possibly the BEST place I have ever been to! Mel reaches for her i.d. and the waitress say s "No, that's o.k hunny, I don't need to see yours..." Mel was not impressed to say the least. (there are only two years between us after all)

We tried out the quarter machines later but didn't win anything so we stuck to the nickel slots. My Dad was lucky enough to win $100 on the first pull of a penny machine but we've suspected for years that a horse-shoe is indeed lodged somewhere up his butt.

So, in the end I walked away with $100 USD winnings and a woman who thought I looked under 21 years of age. I ask you, is that a good night, OR WHAT??!!

Aug 28, 2006

And The Emmy Goes To....

Who cares, really?

I have to laugh at the seriousness that these award shows try to have on us, the 'whocareswhowins' public. The only show I actually cared about winning a gold statuette was Grey's Anatomy but not the way you think. I am thankful they didn't win. Why? Well, I triple love this show and want it to go on forever -just the way it is. With snappy writing and actors who are genuinely happy to just have a job. Win the Emmy and these actors will inevitably get big heads, demand more money, stall the show due to contract negotiations, the writers will give the more petulant actors bad lines because of this ... do you see where I'm going? Don't win the Emmy and everybody wins. You get a show where the writers and the actors will try harder, they will be the best that they can be with the purest of intentions. Well, the purest intention of trying to win the Emmy next year I guess...

Aug 27, 2006

Survey Says!

Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids? 'Have you ever kissed someone?' 'Missed someone?' 'Told someone you loved them?' 'Drank alcohol?'
I got this from Chunk's blog :)

1. What bill do you hate paying the most: Water softener bill
2. What's the best place to eat a romantic dinner: Anywhere sans kids
3. Last time you puked from drinking? When I was 20?
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?- I danced on a pony wall once with other ladies
5. Name of your first grade teacher?- Janet and Heather will kill me but I can’t remember!
6. What do you really want to be doing right now? Sipping fine wine on a yacht in the South of France, why?
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?- Drag car race driver like Shirley Muldowney!
8. How many colleges did you attend?- 1 (and that was enough thankyouverymuch)
9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?- It’s new
10. GAS PRICES! First thought?- They suck!
11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you...- I'd move to California with my whole fam damily!
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?- Curse you Juergen!
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?- Man am I TIRED! And "Should I go pee?"
14. Favorite style of underwear?- Boy Cut Briefs
15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite/same sex?- Thong. (just kidding)
16. What errand/chore do you despise?- Vaccuming
17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?- No(!)
18. Get up early or sleep in?-Sleep in!!
19. What is your favorite cartoon character? - Sheepdog who watches the sheep
20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?- Play Twister (oh, wait...)
21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing?- Isn’t that an oxy moron type question?
Um. There is no 22 and 23 so onward we go, I guess
24. Your favorite lunch meat?- Fresh roasted chicken
25. What do you get every time you go into Costco?- Haven’t been in forever
26. Beach or lake?- Beach
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?- Certainly not! Maybe they died in their late 30's when marriage gets REAL hard!
28. Who do you stalk on MySpace?- Jenna (“Pam”) from The Office
29. Favorite guilty pleasure? - Gossip blogs
30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?- Pornos (again, just kidding)
31. What's your drink?- White wine
32. Gay Cowboys or Indians?- Gay Cowboys
33. Cops or Robbers?- Depends on who’s better lookin’
34. Do you cheer for the bad guy?- If he's likable and believable
35. What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best?- Anna Nicole Smith ;)
36. If you had to pick one, which cast member of "Lost" would you be?- Don’t watch the show
37. What do you want when you are sick?- My Mom
38. Who from high school would you like to run into?- Hmmmm…
39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?- 105.3 Kiss Fm
42. Norm or Cliff?- Norm
43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?- Simpsons
44. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?- No regrets here
45. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?- I work from home - alone!
46. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?- I answer this, that person mysteriously dies and I am framed for their murder. Good try...
47. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?- Regis Philbin
48. What famous person would you like to sleep with?- Regis Philbin
49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?- No
50. Last book you read for real?- The Purpose Driven Life
51. Do you have a teddy bear?- An antique one hubby bought me!
52. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?- In a lake
53. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?- Santa Barbara
54. Number of texts in a day?- Zero
55. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?- Seeing I am happily married and could stand the cash - a career
56. Do you go to church?- Yes
57. Pencil or pen?- Pen
58. Bueller??? Bueller??? Bueller?? - Classic, Classic, Classic
59. How many jobs have you had?- Pizza maker, health care aid, convenience store clerk, copywriter, secretary, Mom, domestic goddess extraordinaire
60. What do you want to achieve in life?- World peace

Aug 25, 2006

Go Go Power Ranger!

Last night we had a double-header in volleyball which meant we had not one, but two chances to lose. Which opportunistically we did. As I have previously mentioned, our team, cleverly named WHATEVER is not the best team in the league. In fact, we are solidly in last place.

We have come up with a move that we have become rather known for - it is called the "Power Ranger". A swift, ever-cool move that involves shooting out just one limb in a desperate attempt to reach the ball that you are not willing to dive for. If done properly, it's brilliant. If done wrong, you can end up losing real quick. It looks like this:


In fact, this is actually a team photo taken of us last night. (I'm in pink)

Aug 24, 2006

She'll Put The Tooth Fairy Out of a Job...


Ellie is milkin' this for all it's worth. She came to say "Good Morning" to me, not wanting her lips to touch in fear that this rather loose tooth may fall out. The good morning sounded more like "ood orning" and now her mouth and lips are as dry as the Sahara. Yet, she refuses to pull it out. And believe me, it wouldn't take much at this point - when she shakes her head the thing blows in the wind. Alas, the attention is far better than the mere $2.00 she would receive from the Tooth Fairy tonight. In fact, the last tooth that Ellie lost she decided NOT to put under her pillow. She explained to me that she wanted to keep the memories of that tooth with her and therefore you could not put a price tag on such a thing. Hey, saved the Tooth Fairy from desperately looking for a toonie at midnight. So, on we go with our day, Ellie acting like a person who has just had a full root canal with no anesthesia. Why can't she be like the daring kids on America's Funniest Videos who tie their teeth to a door handle and then SLAM it shut? Doesn't that sound fun? Or perhaps tie it to Wilbur's collar and then release him to chase a squirrel? No, that's not Ellie's speed. She will just sit here all day and slurp porridge and Jell-O and hope gravity takes it course. Oh my goodness this is going to be a looooong day....


UPDATE! As of 10:16 a.m. the poor beleaguered tooth gave up and fell out on it's own. Rejoice!

Aug 23, 2006

Rockstar Supernova

Why don't they just crown Dilana the winner and get it overwith already?



It's painful to watch the likes of Patrice, who so OBVIOUSLY isn't a rock singer. I mean, even her name isn't "rockstar". Patrice? It sounds like the new neighbour on Desperate Housewives. Yeah, she has tattoos but that still doesn't make her seem butch enough. A little extra black eyeliner doesn't make that much of a difference either. And sometimes she'll do her hair crazy - like rock-pigtails. Oooooooooooooooh.


Lukas from Toronto is too short to front a band that includes Tommy Lee, who probably is taller just sitting at his drum set.

Toby's dramatic turn involved wearing a hoodie, which hmmm...HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE. Enough already!

That concludes my Rockstar Supernova bitch session for tonight, thanks for stoppin' by...

My Name is Wilbur and I'm....



an annoying dog.

Wilbur has graduated from his second Obedience Class. I have decided not to enroll him in the next because a) I am broke and b) I am lazy. I might put him in agility training in the Fall because there's nothing better than having an agile dog who's running through your house like it's an obstacle course . So Wilbur has learned all of the essentials he's gonna learn. Sit. Stay. Down. But he hasn't learned NOT to jump up on people when they come through the door. Or to keep his nose out of the garbage. Shannon the "instructor extraordinaire" suggested I borrow her citronella collar. Have you heard of these things? A collar you put on your dog which has a remote. When the dog does an unwanted action you press the remote and citronella sprays up into their face. It's actually quite funny to see and hard not to laugh when it happens. Wilbur is all "Hey! Huh? What in the heck was THAT? The question is, will he be smart enough to equate that: putting his nose into the garbage + a yucky spray into the area of his face = not a good idea. We shall soon see.

Aug 22, 2006

Give me Patience - and Fast!

Summer is beginning to get on my nerves. Remember this post? Well, it's August 22nd and I'm already there.


I just tried to cut the grass and the mower won't turn over, for the life of me I don't know what is wrong with the pool - it looks more like a sess pool than it does a swimming pool. The heat has burnt all of my flowers and the kids are driving me nuts!


And then I realized that not this Tuesday, but the next - the kids will be back in school and I will be able to return to leisurely eating bon-bons on the couch all day.


Hallelujah!

Aug 21, 2006

I Love You - But...

There is one clause in my marriage that if breached, allows for total absolution of the vows. It is lovingly referred to as the "Speedo Clause". If Juergen ever wears one, our marriage is over. Kaput. Finito. Dunzo.


Thank goodness Juergen is not internet savvy or else he might read this.

Aug 19, 2006

A Job Well Done

The other day I cleaned. And I mean cleaned. I worked from 10:00 a.m. til 4:30 p.m. straight. Every now and again I do this sort of crazed thorough purifying just to see how long it will last. (and it ain't long I tell ya) The Gemini in me felt the furniture needed to be changed around so I did that too. I guess that's the only way to get to the dirt that isn't hurting anyone but yet is still there. So it's been two days since the "purification" and I am top of it like a mosquito to a plump vein. I might even tackle the upstairs today. But how long will this clean last? When does the slip begin to happen? You can feel it when it starts. It's inevitable. Things get left out ... the dust sits for too long ... the dishes pile up. That's when you either jump on it or you get in the car and go for an ice cream. For now though, I will be the domestic goddess extrodinaire that I claim to be. I will gleefully throw myself on the couch and revel in the fact that my house is clean. I will hope that someone comes to visit and leaves with the impression "Wow, she really keeps a clean house." (HAH!) But no. Visitors only come when I'm in my grubbies, unshowered, dishes piled high in the sink, Wilbur's chew toys strewn all over the floor, and dust bunnies the size of my fist are billowing from room to room. That's life I guess.


I'm hoppin' in the shower. Fingers crossed someone drops in today...

Aug 18, 2006

A Day in the Life


This is what I wake up to. This is Wilbur on my bed. "Mom are you awake? Huh? Huh? Are Ya?" Just full of piss and vinegar.

Our yard looks like a bone graveyard yet I hate to remove any of them because Wilbur may not be done chewing on them. And if he's chewing on a bone he's not bugging me or getting into trouble.

The new collar is working well. He walks without pulling and that is worth every red penny I paid. Problem is now he wants to be walked ALL THE TIME. Oh the guilt of having another child I don't have enough time for. ;)

Aug 17, 2006

To Know Vic Was To Love Vic

I've been feeling rather low lately. The 21st of this month would have been my brother Vic's 43rd birthday. I miss him dearly, more than mere words on paper could ever convey. He had a smile that could light up a room and a kind word for everyone. He was one in a million. He was funny to the point of genius and annoying to the point of exhaustion. :) Victor had memorized many great speeches and funny anecdotes but this one was my favourite. Once he started in on it, you either took a seat and waited for it to be over (or shall I say enjoyed it) or hightailed it as fast as you could in the other direction. (in which he would just shout it while you were running away!) The speech is below from Good Will Hunting and does contain swear words so it's not for young eyes. When Vic would read it he would seemingly do it in one breath - one looooooong run-on sentence. How he did it I will never know, but man do I miss hearing it...


Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at the NSA, and somebody puts a code on my desk, somethin' no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, cus' I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding... Fifteen hundred people that I never met, never had no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, Send in the marines to secure the area" cus' they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, cus' they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie over there takin' shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, cus' he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. They're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course, maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work. He can't afford to drive, so he's walking to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks because the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' cus' every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected President.

Aug 16, 2006

Simplify Simplify Simplify

I changed my web address to thejoyof.blogspot.com today. I don't know why I didn't do it that way in the first place but anyone who has bookmarked me under ohjoyohbliss.blogspot may have a problem finding me, so please re-bookmark me. I just thought it would be easier this way :)

Aug 15, 2006

Wilbur The Maniac

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


For me to think that Wilbur's operation would in ANY WAY sedate him was quite naive to say the least. The day we brought him home he was ready to run a marathon, stitches or no stitches. We were told to keep him quiet for a few days. No running, no jumping...basically living to Wilbur. Those were a long couple of days wherein Wilbur acted out like only Wilbur can. Anyway he could get attention, preferably negative, was tops on his list of things to get done in his doggy day. He really upped the ante. Yesterday while I was out of the room, he jumped up to the kitchen island and was able to reach a big CHUNK of baker's chocolate I had just bought. It was wrapped only in cellophane and by the time I found him he had it half-opened but got it wedged behind a chair. With limited access, he continued to persevere. He had licked it so much on the one side that there was a indentation formed like the bowl of my bathroom sink. When I scolded him and took it away he looked at me as if to say "Well really, what do you want me to do? You took my manhood away, you won't let me jump or run, what ELSE am I supposed to do?" After I thought about it I realized he was right. He did have a point.

Last night I took Wilbur to his Obedience Class where he was so excited to be out with other dogs that he could simply not concentrate. I have never seen him like that before. (maybe the chocolate kicked in?) The instructor, seeing the distraught look in my eyes and knowing full well that I may SNAP at any second, decided to try a special collar on him that would limit his "hyper-ness". Well, that went over like a lead balloon. He absolutely freaked. He jumped, twisted, pulled, yanked, jerked and would dramatically hurl himself onto the ground in an attempt to just GET IT OFF. Kinda like me with a snake. Shannon (the instructor) couldn't believe it. Even she tried to calm him but to no avail. Then she brought out the big gun. She lead up to it by saying in an ominous tone "I hardly EVER recommend this but...I think he should wear the pinch collar." Off she went to go get it and when she came back I winced when I saw it - it did look like a torture device. Something a biker would put on his bad-ass Pitbull! The metal link collar has spikes in it that prevents the dog from pulling (maybe not prevent, but makes it very uncomfortable to) Well, miracle upon miracle, the dang thing worked. Wilbur was walking beside me like a well-trained canine, probably just so happy that the other torture collar was off.

So Wilbur and I are going to go walking every night now that he is unable to rip my arm out of the socket. After he becomes a pro at that I am going to teach him how to find and kill snakes quietly and efficiently.

Three Things

Borrowed from Jenny's blog :)

3 Things that scare me: Snakes, Heights, Losing People I Love
3 People Who Make Me Laugh: Jon Stewart, Tina Fey, my sister Melody
3 Things I love: God, My Family and Friends, Vacations
3 Things I Hate: Bitchy People, Spiderwebs, My Feet
3 Things I Don't Understand: Algebra, Foreign Languages, Why My Pool is Cloudy Again
3 Things On My Floor: My Dog Wilbur, My Feet, Dirt
3 Things I'm Doing Right Now: Typing This, Perfecting the Art of Being Lazy, Laundry
3 Things I want to Do Before I Die: See The Pyramids, Go Scuba-Diving, Grow Old With my Hubby
3 Things I Can Do: Decorate, Hug, Write About Absolutely Nothing
3 Ways to Describe my Personality: Friendly, Strong-Willed, Fun
3 Things I Think You Should Listen To: Me, Me, oh, and Me
3 Things I Don't Think You Should Listen to: Nasty Rap, Negative People, My Brother Mike When He's Had One Too Many
3 Favorite Foods: Roast Chicken, Ceasar Salad, Steak
3 Beverages I drink regularly: COFFEE! Water and Diet Coke
3 Shows I watch: The Office, Grey's Anatomy and 30 Rock when it comes on!

Aug 13, 2006

Goodness Snakes Alive!

Today was a HORRIFIC day for me. Absolutely horrific! The grass is rather long on the one side of our house due to the brickwork going on so like the good mother I am, I sent Jack in there to fish out the hose. Jack has told me that twice now he has seen a snake in that area so there was no way I was going anywhere NEAR there. You have to understand my hatred of snakes. I loathe them. I would rather kiss a rat on the mouth than be near a snake. They affect me physically and emotionally. I could ramble on and on here and still not effectively convey how much I hate snakes. Anyway, while I waited for Jack I picked up the kids' Homer Simpson pool chair which had been sitting in the same spot for the entire summer. (it's half deflated and therefore the kids no longer use it) When I lifted it up to my HORROR there were snakes under there who were about as happy to see me as I was to see them. Snakes. AS IN PLURAL! Time stood still in that moment where I felt such terror I thought I would be the first person to actually die from just SEEING snakes. There were three to be exact but to me it was like I was Indiana Jones in the snake pit. Three - three thousand - makes no difference to me. I hightailed it out of there screaming all the way into the house and somehow Juergen and Jack knew exactly what had just happened. They know my snake scream. They will have nightmares tonight over my snake scream. (once you've heard it, it's something that stays with you a long time)


My question is now, how do you get rid of snakes? Have mice? Get a cat. Have ants? Get ant traps. Have snakes? ...??? Pack your bags and move out of town. It's as simple as that.

Aug 12, 2006

Hurtin' for Certain

...no, I'm not talking about Wilbur after his surgery. Me and Juergen today after being out at my brother's stag. Perhaps a few too many 'vino blanco' for me and a 4:30 a.m. bedtime does not make for a good Saturday! Fun was had by all though and they made a lot of money which was great.

Now excuse me while I go bury my head under a rock...

Aug 11, 2006

Just a Quickie...

Wilbur has gone in for the dreaded "snip-snip" as I like to call it - that sounds so much better then CASTRATION, doesn't it? I am hoping this may calm him down a bit. Even though I have that dog in obedience class he seems as though he is slipping back into some bad habits. Like jumping. When he jumps he's as tall as me. Last night when I came in the door he almost dropped-kicked me!

We brought him in early this morning and came home to a very quiet house. Wilbur makes this house a home - he adds a special energy to it. While he may not be here annoying me by chewing on toilet paper, jumping up on the counters, stealing shoes, generally getting into trouble ... we miss him dearly. Although going to the vet has generally NOT been a fun experience for him over the past couple of months, he was still happy to go. Just clueless! Every day is a party for Wilbur - even the day where he will lose his manhood. ;)

Below is a video of Wilbur drinking water from the hose - it's almost as if he's munching on a cob of corn....

Aug 10, 2006

Scanning My Life Away

Approximately a year ago I was contact by the "Not-Putting-the-Real-Name-In-Case-I-Get-Sued" company to see if I wanted to participate in consumer studies wherein I scan my purchases and send the info to the mothership - I mean, company headquaters. You know, same as the ratings for t.v. - but not as secretive or cool. I CAN tell people. I don't have to relocate and assume a different name or anything like that.

Now I have to say as a former advertising graduate I usually would not fall for this kind of thing if it hadn't been for the FREE STUFF you get for doing it. So, my scanner arrived yesterday along with the gift catalogue. 14,900 points gets you a pineapple knife. Woah baby, I have hit the mother load!

But honestly, I feel so honoured to be a part of a nationwide survery that shows how Canadians shop. Here is my chance to show manufacturer's that I don't buy crappy stuff! And if I do, I certainly won't scan it! Oops. Just kidding. I will scan *everything* that comes through my door. If it has a barcode on it, it shall be scanned. (I REALLY want that pineapple knife)

Aug 9, 2006

Phone! Yup Yup Yup Phone!

When we were young my sister and I watched Sesame Street faithfully everyday. She was Bert - I was Ernie. We loved the show. Well, we didn't really have a choice because literally that's all that was on. We would climb up on the couch together and giggle like there was no tomorrow. We had two favorite skits - Kermit riding a bicycle in his cowboy boots and this one...




P.S. Ernie will always be cooler...

Aug 8, 2006

Fighting Your Way Out Of a Paper Bag

..."I have never taken any banned substance, including testosterone," Landis said in a previous statement. "I was the strongest man at the Tour de France, and that is why I am the champion. I will fight these charges with the same determination and intensity that I bring to my training and racing. It is now my goal to clear my name and restore what I worked so hard to achieve."


Hmmm...sounds like the vow O.J. Simpson made to find the real killer of his ex-wife years ago. How's that goin' for ya O.J.? Sure, they say that NOW. Let's make a date shall we and meet back here in one year to see if Mr. Landis has indeed cleared his name.


Maybe I am a little miffed about liars today. I had to take Jack's video games away because he was playing them too much. It's a beautiful summer and he was spending copious amounts of time in the basement, face glued to the t.v. screen. Well, two days ago, I told him no more. Video games are DUNZO for the summer. I did not unhook said video game because I trusted my 11 year old son and thought he would make the right choices. Umm, no. Caught him last night red-handed. Omigosh, just as I am tying this Jack came up to me with a prepared "apology speech" written on 4 index cards. I tried to keep a straight face as he read through them. The first line started with "Mom, I am deeply sorry - I don't know what came over me." Ahhh, full of it. Just like his Momma.


Speaking of disobedient children, both Jack and Ellie were caught swearing last week. Well, they ratted themselves out actually. At 2:00 p.m. Jack revealed to me that the day before Ellie had swore. (a BAD word) I reprimanded her and warned BOTH OF THEM that if they were to do it again their mouths would be washed out with soap. And not the good soap. Cheap Dollar Store soap! Not two hours later, Ellie tattles on Jack for having said the same word. I promptly marched them up the stairs and into the dreaded bathroom where the sacrificial soap ceremony would take place. Jack knew what he was in for and was extremely hesitant to place this rather sudsy bar in his mouth. Ellie, on the other hand, was up for the challenge. She had no experience with this nasty consequence and didn't think it would be that bad. So there she was, rubbing that bar of soap on her tongue like there was no tomorrow. She actually gave Jack the confidence to complete his punishment. (although not with the same fervour I might add) So, two clean tongues later we left for Beppe's house where I then ratted them out. A few words of advice from the grandparents always helps. I left for volleyball hoping my mother would reform my children from being outright hooligans. Apparently while I was away Ellie informed my mother that she knew she had done wrong and that she had sent all the bad words in her head to Los Angeles ... and the Devil who "made her do it" to Las Vegas. (great choice for the devil, huh?) She was now free from sin. I felt really good about that. I just feel sorry for the people in Los Angeles and Las Vegas cuz apparently they're all going to hell in a handbasket...

Aug 7, 2006

Assuming He IS Guilty...

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Stupidity never ceases to amaze me. Is it part stupidity, part arrogance? I'm not sure all I know is if I was this guy I would be trying to find the edge of the world so I could jump off. Do you really think YOU will be the one who doesn't get caught? I liken it to the girl who stuffs her bra on her first date with the captain of the football team. One way or another, there is a very good chance you are going to be FOUND OUT!


We had a very busy weekend visiting with friends and family (however, never both at the same time) On Saturday we visited my cousins at a campground 45 minutes from here which confirmed the fact that I am indeed NOT a camper. (insert full body shiver here) This campground had people rammed in like sardines. Literally there was only a few feet between campers. Like an apartment complex. Mind you, they had a lovely camper but nevertheless it was almost on top of the one beside theirs. (they also had a flat screen t.v. in there but that's another story)

And on to other things:


Will Ferrell has a new film out. Talladega Nights...the movie my husband MUST see as it will make him snort out loud in laughter. (and that alone is worth the admission price to me) In the movie Ricky Bobby's two sons are named Walker and Texas Ranger. Priceless.


I thought I knew all there was to know about chipstand food. Well, apparently not because just yesterday I learned about the infamous "Fry Bomb". And what is this concoction that hails from England? Well, simply put - a poutine on a bun. Yep. Fries, gravy and curds. On a bun. I think the two carbs should cancel each other out and therefore it is a ridiculous idea. Come on people - YOU DON'T PUT POTATOES ON A BUN!

Aug 4, 2006

Where Did You Go Clay Aiken?

What happened here? I guess the Hollywood Machine got a hold and just wouldn't let go! (kinda like Wilbur with a Rollover bone) Remember Clay Aiken when he was all shy and unpolished? And innocent!


Now look at him! Not that I have anything against Clay - from what I hear he does a lot of good works but I am not diggin' this new look. Those stylists can sometimes do more harm than good. In this picture he looks a little bit like Lindsay Lohan's twin!

Aug 2, 2006

Swing Swing!

Wilbur is very odd in that he loves our outdoor swing. After he goes for a swim he will run at it with break-neck speed, jump up and crash into it. At this rate, the swing won't last long. Especially now that it is sitting at the bottom of our swimming pool after last night's high winds. :(

Here's Wilbur drying himself off on the swing 2 days ago - getting it all wet therefore rendering it useless to us two-legged folk.

TomKat Conspiracy Theory

I love conspiracy theories because they are usually so OUT THERE! Because I have nothing beter to do with my time today I thought I'd share this one with you.


Where's that baby?!

You Have GOT To Be Kidding...



Oh no. No, no, no, no, no NOOOOOOO! I was hoping this wasn't going to catch on but it looks like SKINNY jeans are coming back in style. Say it ain't so. There's only so much a woman can take. Although it took me a while, I embraced the low-rise ... the boot cut with flare felt a bit 1970's to me but I also endured that. But skinny jeans? Are you serious? Who looks good in these jeans? Oh, I guess the emaciated models that are modelling them in EVERY MAGAZINE that's out there. But that's it! I remember when I was 15 years old and "skinny" jeans were in - they weren't actually called skinny jeans but now everything has to have a name in the fashion world. I would go over to my friend Jennifer's house and she would dry her jeans in the dryer until damp, whip them against the floor to get out any wrinkles, step on the bottom cuffs and pull up to s-t-r-e-t-c-h them, then lay flat on her back on her bed, toes pointed like a ballerina while she wriggled into them. This was when we were 15 and had no life. I have a life now and it does not include skinny jeans. My best friend Janet says I will succumb to this trend and that it's just a matter of time. But I conquer with an emphatic "NEVAH".

And I mean it!

Aug 1, 2006

Dear Mel, It's Over Between Us

Woah!

What happened here? What happened to the Mel Gibson of the 1980's that I loved and adored? He was the only one for me. No other male celebrity, living or dead, came close. His rugged good looks and bad boy image had me mesmerized through movies like Mad Max and Lethal Weapon, upon Lethal Weapon, upon Lethal Weapon...


Now look at him! He actually looks like the Unibomber in this seond photo. His drunk driving debacle has turned out to be something more and he is blaming his hateful remarks on being drunk. O.K. Since when does alcohol turn you into a racist? That must be some pretty STRONG stuff you're drinkin'! Thank goodness he has put himself in re-hab although I'm not sure re-hab will change how he sees the world. R.I.P. in my heart Mel. I'm sorry to say but it's over between us.