Sep 27, 2006

It Keeps Things COLD!

I love my husband, I truly do, but he has expensive taste. Take for instance when we went fridge shopping 2 years ago. We were looking at fridge models with the freezer on the bottom when something caught his eye. A grouping of approximately 6 fridges, segregated from the mass that we were looking at.

"What are those?" he asked the eager fridge pimp who figured he had us at hello.

"Oh those are our expensive, top-of-the-line models." he replied, lips salivating at the thought of a sale.

This is where Juergen starts walking and muttering to himself - "Must see expensive fridges. MUST!" He grabs a hold of the door of one of the fridges (actually, the one that is in our kicthen right now) and says "See, honey, feel the weight of this door. See the quality? Look inside. Oh man, look at the shelves, they're heavy duty..."

I tell him it's a fridge. It's not rocket science. It keeps things cold. So do the cheaper fridges over in the cheap section. We are now in the "more money than brains" section and I am uncomfortable. I am losing him. It doesn't look good.

Fast forward to us at the cash buying the expensive fridge Juergen so desperately wanted. (this, after a couple of weeks of him wearing me down) The sales associate, now my arch nemesis, asks if we want to purchase a warranty on the fridge that costs as much as a small foreign car. I reply that if the fridge is so well made, why would we need a warranty? We decline.

Well, that stupid fridge is making so much noise that I fear I may go insane. The motor sounds as if it's 50 years old and on it's last legs. If it could cry and moan it would. In fact, I think it is.

But Juergen, still pleased that he persuaded me to spend our children's college fund on a fridge, smiles and says: "But damn, feel the weight of this door Joy!"

Sep 26, 2006

If I Were Rich I'd...

...move to California. Probably Northern, not Southern. I'd live near the ocean and have lots of horses. After my morning coffee I'd saddle up and ride. I would also have a HUGE salt water fish tank built into the wall. I'd have lots of Old English Sheepdogs for Wilbur to play with. Five of them - named Sammy, Dean, Frank, Joey and of course, Liza to spice things up. In my kitchen I would have a floor-to-ceiling bird cage with beautiful parrots who would amuse me with their banter. I'd invite friends and family for wonderful get-togethers. I'd learn how to ballroom dance and pay someone big money to help me learn to speak German. And Dutch. And Italian. And French. Last but not least, I would also donate lots of money to the less fortunate. :)

What would YOU do?

Sep 25, 2006

It's A Dog's Life

My sister and I decided to take our dogs for a walk in the park yesterday. ...and I thought Wilbur was hyper! Melody's dog "Ginger" aka "GINGER MARY LOUISE!" when she's doing something wrong - is THE most hyper dog I have ever met. She is A.D.D. Attention Deficit Dog. She makes Wilbur look like he's pushing 12 years old and has rheumatoid arthritis throughout his entire body. They ran, she swam, they tired themselves out which is all we really wanted. Well, to tell you the truth, I don't think Ginger was in any way tired out. The dog runs on batteries. With back-up.


I have been playing an Eagles cd so much lately that Wilbur thinks it is part of our decor. The other day I popped in a mixed cd and he went nuts. Didn't know where it was coming from. Horns, voices, drums - oh my! He followed me upstairs and stood watch at the landing. I thought - what a great watch dog he will be! I hopped into the shower and he was still freaked out by the noises coming from downstairs. He quicky ran and sat in front of the shower. Wow, REALLY great watchdog - he's going to protect me for sure. Then I realized he was not being a wonderful guard dog. He was afraid and thought that if anyone came up the stairs Mom would protect HIM. Not the other way around!


Of course they had to have another cruise line death feaured on 48 Hours Mystery the other night. Why? Because we're going on a cruise and they have to scare the living bejeezis out of me. Here are the facts: I have learned NOT to go back to my cabin alone and NOT to mistake Methadone as NyQuil. I think I should be o.k.

Sep 21, 2006

Why?

Why is it they can send a man to the moon but they can't make a multi vitamin smaller than my fist?

Sep 20, 2006

You Win

The fight is over.

I have succumbed after almost two months. I cannot take it anymore. In July I mentioned the volume control button on our clicker or, as most people call it "remote" ceased to perform it's duty. I milked it for a while using Jack and Ellie as stand-ins. Well, being the clever children that they are, they refuse to watch t.v. with me in that room now, knowing they will have to constantly adjust the volume when Mommy refuses to watch commercials that talk down to her - and therefore continually channel surfs. Two weeks I finally called my cable provider, which sounds like Mogeco, to report this monstrosity of a problem. They were happy to inform me that I needed a new remote and that it would only cost me $30.00 to replace. "What? Am I not under warranty?" I gasped. "No." was the unforgiving reply. Well, I wasn't going to let them get away with that. "Forget it!" I said, hoping the remote would fix itself.

It hasn't.

Now seeing my children refuse to be my personal servants - and I refuse to physically remove myself from the couch to mute Dr. Phil when the crazy people on his show continue to BLEEP-BLEEP-BLEEP all over the *BLEEPING place while my children are walking through the room, I am forced to pay $30.00 for a remote. Which presently I am waiting for Purolator to deliver. You see, Mogeco doesn't deal with the Post Office and this is probably part of the reason this magical device costs as much as it does.

Buggers.

On a totally different topic...

They say - "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I say "That which doesn't kill you makes you bitchier, more sarcastic and totally embittered." But that's just me.

Happy Birthday to my brother Michael who turns 46 years old today. Michael has the wonderful gift of being oblivious. I think that's why he still looks so young and offends so many people. ;) Love ya Mikey!

Sep 19, 2006

Wake Me Up When September Ends...

thejoyof hasn't been so joyful lately. Hence, the crappy, short posts. Sorry about that...

Last week my lap top crashed. I tried to download a new version of Quicktime and I lost everything. Back to factory settings. And little did I knew that Gateway was so cheap that they didn't have a 1-800 number to help me out. So I had to pay to be on hold with a technician from B.C. Lovely. Spent a half hour on the phone to learn that I did indeed severely screw up my computer and there was nothing-I-could-do-about-it. Except go back to factory settings, that is. Both of my computers are giving me such trouble lately that I have been reminiscing of what life was like before I sold my soul and got connected to the information super highway.

Ellie came home with grade 3 math homework last week that had both Juergen and I scratching our heads. We could not for the life of us figure it out. Grade 3! What has happened to our school system that a 50 year old man, who constantly touts himself as a math wizard, cannot help his 8 year old daughter with her math? I don't know but it made me smile a little actually...

My parents' house got broken into last week - in broad daylight. Thank goodness Mom wasn't having her nap as she would have been awoken by this hooded hooligan going through her drawers. He went through the whole house and made the biggest mess in their bedroom, finding no cash. The police say this is the new criminal. They rob houses in the afternoon. They must have kids at home they need to help with their math homework in the evenings...

Sep 18, 2006

The Name Game

Taken from Mamaliscious Blog :)

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:
(your first pet and the street that you live on) *Snoopy Tollgate.
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favourite candy) *Greta Swedish Berry
3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name) *J-an
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favourite colour, favourite animal) *Pink Horse
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) *Anne Cornwall
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name) *Zacjode
7. SUPERHERO NAME: ("the", your favourite colour, favourite drink) *The Pink Cosmo (how befitting)
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first name of both your grandfathers) *Victor Auke
9. FUTURISTIC NAME: (the name of your favourite perfume/cologne and the name of your favourite shoes) *Lovely Aldo
10. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother/father's middle name and the next name you hear on the tv/radio/talk) *Wietze Blunt (no word of a lie)

Sep 17, 2006

More Mass = More Annoyance


I just now realize that a dog's physical size is directly proportional to how much they can annoy you.

Sep 15, 2006

Oh George...


I love this "campaigning to save the world" look.

Sep 12, 2006

Bath Day

There are days that Wilbur drives me insane and days where he keeps me from going insane.


Sep 11, 2006

He Should Run For Office

I am sitting in the kitchen minding my own business when I am taken off guard. I look up to see Jack struggling to carry in a case of water from outside. I am dumbfounded. While I pick up my jaw from the floor he thinks I am shocked that he can actually handle the heavy load.

I make mysef clear, "No, I just can't believe you took it upon yourself to bring it in - that's all."

His ever-serious reply: "Well, it's the least I can do. After all, you did give birth to me..."

Sep 8, 2006

It's Wilbur's World and I Just Live in It



With the kids being back in school it is just me and Wilbur now. He is 9 months old and the equivalent of a two year old running freely and without care in the house. A very dependent two year old. One that never wants to leave your side. But when he does he is usually looking for trouble to get into like putting his nose in the garbage can, trying to squeeze open Jack and Ellie's bedroom doors and chewing on anything he deems appropriate.

I knew what Old English Sheepdogs were like as we had one before. They love to be with their owners. EVERYWHERE. Even in the bathroom. (see, I told you he was like a child) If I stand at the kitchen sink, Wilbur will dramatically FLOP himself at my feet, making me step over him until I realize I don't have to. If I sit down he inevitably saunters up with his wet toilet breath mouth and wipes it on my lap. If I sit in the sun room and let him outside for a pee, he will bregrudgingly do it, but then sit right at the screen door and stare at me - seems kinda stupid when he has access to the whole back yard. What dog doesn't like to be outside I ask you? Well, Wilbur likes it - but only if I am right then with him. And oh, by the way, our screen door is now completely dilapidated. Wilbur has turned it into his own personal "doggie door" by barreling through it one too many times.

He loves to go in the car with me and makes me feel guilty when I don't take him. It is still a bit warm here though and all of the crazy "call-the-police-people-there's-a-dog-in-the-car" people are still on the loose. Don't get me wrong - I totally agree but when I leave Wilbur in the truck with the windows closed - air conditioning full blast - and I run into the pet store to buy him some dog food, I don't think I am breaking the law. And the kind police officer who saw me get into my vehicle, and was embarrassed to ask me, agreed.

When we went to Plattsburgh last weekend my parents were kind enough to watch Wilbur overnight. Well, let's just say I don't think think that will happen again. He tormented their dog Matilda and basically made them appreciate her all the more. And at 7 years old, she still poops on their carpet!!

We've all but given up on the citronella collar. Basically Wilbur thinks it's a fresh blast of room freshener going off in his direction. Doesn't phase him in the least. The invisible fence we bought him in May is still sitting in the box as Juergen knows what a job THAT is going to be to install. Doesn't matter. We'll hook the damn thing up, he'll have one acre of land to roam freely and he will STILL end up sitting at the door to stare at me with those "But Moooooooom" eyes.

Sep 7, 2006

Dogs and Car Washes Do Not Mix

I took Wilbur with me through the car wash today. Big mistake. BIG. Shoulda had my camera with me but then again I was afraid for my own safety when after the wash began, Wilbur looked at me with absolute terror in his eyes. You know it's not going to be good when he surveys the inside of the vehicle, then looks at you like you are the safest place for him to hide. Longest 2 minutes I have spent...


This struck me yesterday... do you ever wonder why they built such a tacky city right next to one of the seven wonders of the world? Could they not have thought that out better? Perhaps less wax museums/haunted houses/casinos? More nature, more class, more anything-not-so-tacky?


I guess I'm not the only one who is having trouble commenting on other people's blogs. A fellow blogger Mamalicious was having trouble too. Now we just give up and comment as "Anonymous"!


Back to school means packing lunches. I had forgotten how fussy Jack is when it comes to eating. I made him a fresh ham sandwich this morning for his lunch and you should have seen the pout-on that followed. Oh, that really aggravates me, especially when my morning coffee hasn't had the chance to pump through my veins yet. I actually gave him the "Do you know how many starving children there are in the world?" speech. And it's only DAY THREE people!!!

Sep 6, 2006

Beware


I'm not in a good mood. PMS. I'm gonna bring this guy with me everywhere I go.


And while I'm at it - a warning for Ellie and Jack...


And So It Goes...

Well, the baby does indeed exist and has a head of hair like I've never seen before. Suri Cruise-Holmes debut! Apparently Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and "baby head 'o hair" have a 22-page spread in Vanity Fair magazine. Ah, celebrities. They really know how to exploit themselves, don't they?

The kids had a great first day at school and of course come home with BOOK ORDER the very first day. Unbelievable. I forgot how money-hungry the school can be. The bike-a-thon, magazine subscriptions and student accident insurance have already been mentioned in the first newsletter. Oh, and I have to send in $10 for the kids' agendas. Ugh.

Jack and Elle are already slippin' in the morning routine. It is only the second day and I had to get semi-cross with them for dawdling. Ohmigosh, please give me patience - and fast.


I was so saddened to hear about Steve Irwin's passing. A man who had such an infectious personality that we all felt we knew him personally. He had such a zest for life, for his work and for his family, it is a shame the man had to leave this world so young. My prayers go out to his family and friends.


The Crocodile Hunter

Sep 4, 2006

Long Weekend

I took the YOUR REAL AGE test the other day. Shouldn't have. My chronological age is 37 - my real age is apparently 41. Well, I guess there are certainly days when I feel it. The test asks a wide array of questions including weight, height, blood pressure, cholesterol, - and some of these I flubbed on a little. I mean, come on! So, the lesson I learned - if you want to live a long life and feel 50 when you're actually 100, you must not partake of anything fun, you must not eat anything remotely tasty, and for the love of Pete you must not drive over the speed limit in an Austin Mini.

Juergen and I took the kids to Plattsburgh NY this weekend. The weather was not co-operating for cottage weather so off we went. It was Juergen's first time to Plattsburgh even though we live in a city with a bridge that directly links us to the USofA. It has long been Juergen's dream to visit Ausable Chasm, I think it has mystified him for years. We embarked on the treacherous one-mile walk and ended our tour with a rather wet raft ride. Fun was had by all as no-one fell into the deep ravine. (always a concern of mine when walking on slippery rocks next to large cliffs when it is lightly raining)



School has started today. I am basking in the glow of quietness. I love and adore my kids but I feel so good right now that it should be illegal. I am now going to make beds with a huge smile on my face.... Then I am going to do some laundry and whistle while doing so.... Then I am going to empty the dishwasher and sing, sing sing....

Life is good.

Sep 1, 2006

If You Don't Have Anything Good to Say...

Christmas dinner is going to be sooooo uncomfortable this year....

CNN anchor gets caught dissing her sister-in-law in the bathroom when her mic was mistakingly left on during Bush's Katrina speech.

OWCH!