Jun 18, 2008

More "Things I Know For Sure"

It's time for another installation of-

"Things I know For Sure."

My last
"Things I know For Sure" post covered a lot of ground but alas - there is so much more to tackle. Life is like that I suppose.

O.K. Here goes...

-Never buy a sweater and/or pants that you worry will end up in the dryer and shrink. They WILL end up in the dryer and they WILL shrink. And then you will bang your head against the washing machine and swear that you will never do this again. (but you will)

-If you are driving with your dog in the car and have to make a pit stop, be sure and remove the box of donuts you just bought and placed on the back seat.

-When it is sunny and beautiful, you'll be tripping over your umbrella at the front door. As soon as it rains that sucker will go missing like Houdini in Vegas.

-That third helping of white wine is never a good idea. It may seem like the *best idea in the world* at the time but it is never a good idea.

-Ditto for coffee.

-Ditto for chocolate cake.

-If you're going to have an afternoon nap, make sure you check your mascara before opening the door for the UPS guy.

-No matter how much you wish for it, your laundry will never clean itself.

-That secret 'stash' closet/drawer/cupboard that you hoard everything into before you can incorporate slowly into the house without anyone really ever noticing? Your husband will find it. And most likely only on the day that he is a really BAD mood.

-As soon as you turn the t.v. channel and something inappropriate flashes over the screen is the EXACT moment that your child will walk into the room.

-Weeds will always grow demonically faster than flowers. (and so do bills for that matter)

-Never ride on a tube behind a speed boat when you're in your 30's. You may think it's a fun idea at the time but when you wake up the next day your body will unabashedly remind you that you are in fact NOT.

-If you think to yourself "Oh, make sure to remember this" - you automatically won't.

-Three days after you buy a 50 pack of pens and bring them home, you will not be able to find a single one when the phone rings and you have to take an important message. All you will be able to find is a grungy, dull, eraser-bitten-off pencil that refuses to do it's job.

-The very day you decide to wear white pants is the same day you will:

a)spill jam on them (and not just any jam- blueberry jam)
b)run into a wet, muddy, slobbery overzealous dog who somehow adores you and only you
c)get into a messy fight with the ballpoint pen you finally just found

And so concludes this installation of "Things I Know for Sure." Please feel free to add YOUR two cents! ;)


Outstanding Stranger said...

Ok...that was great and here is one more for you..
If your husband is waiting in the car at the art supply store...no matter how long it takes you to get to the cash register...He will always come in when you are at the checking out an hear your total. ugg..

Alison Gibbs said...

Oh Joy that is such a fun read

sita said...

You are a hoot! I love the kids and tv one, you don't even know how many times that has happened in this house usually my husband walks in too and is like what are you letting them watch! I also feel the one about the husband finding your stash, again I am busted! If he doesn't find your stash he finds the reciepts which reminds me why do I keep them? I will be back to read more!

karlascottage.typepad.com said...

These are so true and hilarious.

Cheryl said...

Oh that made me smile and it's all so TRUE!!!!

Robolady said...

Love Love Love this list. Thanks for the giggle Joy.