Jan 23, 2009

Are YOU Your Own Best Friend?


I have been thinking...why are we women so tough on ourselves? Why can we not be our own best friend?


The thought occurred to me the other day when I was applying my make-up. I leaned in to the mirror for a closer look and didn't like what I saw...wrinkles, blemishes and more wrinkles. When did they become so apparent? Is my over-priced 'miracle' wrinkle cream even working? Ohmigosh, I am going to be 40 years old in May. I quickly finished 'painting the battleship' and went on to other things.


The dialogue continued in my head - it was negative. Why do we as women concentrate on the negative so much? Why are we so critical on ourselves? I thought of the outburst I had with my kids before they left for school. I felt bad for losing my cool and quickly wondered "Am I scarring my kids for life? Are they going to hate me?" Why, out of all the good that I do for my children do I concentrate and focus on these small bad blips on the radar?


Why can we not be our own best friend?


Why don't we comfort ourselves and dwell more on the positive like our best friend would do for us? If I was standing beside my best friend in front of the mirror and she voiced her concerns over her wrinkles the first thing I would do is try to make her feel better. Why can't we give ourselves that kind of support? I have called my best friend after losing it on my kids and she very prophetically 'talks me off the ledge'. She listens, commiserates and then assures me that I am in fact still a good mother. She also 'sees' my freak-out and 'raises' me an unruly conniption fit. That's what friends do.


The next time you are hard on yourself for whatever reason, try and be your own best friend. Get rid of those negative thoughts and concentrate on your positives. Don't needlessly pick on yourself...


Find a new wrinkle? Don't sweat it, there will be more. (Who wants to look like Joan Rivers anyway?) Yelled at the kids until your throat was sore? You won't scar them for life, promise!


No-one is perfect. Love the best friend within you. I assure you - she 'has your back'.


A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.
Author Unknown



16 comments:

A Lovely Thing said...

We are our own harshest critics, aren't we?

Self defeating thoughts about physical flaws are bad enough.

I think too many of us talk ourselves out of our dreams as well with negative thoughts of our skills and abilities.

Joy Zaczyk said...

Yes, we need to be our own best friend when it comes to believing in our dreams as well - good point!

Jackie said...

Amen! I beat myself up constantly - it's a bad habit and it has thwarted some of my ideas and dreams too. Time to make some changes - you're right, we need to believe in ourselves more and concentrate on the good things we do!! Thanks for a great post!

LiLi M. said...

I had to google Joan Rivers, yep a definitely no I don't want to look like her, not even when I'm 73.
Do you know that I found life the hardest around 40? Now I'm 47 and I'm so much more sattisfied or do you think that I realize that I lost the battle LOL?!

The Rose Room said...

Great post Joy and one we should all take to heart and work on! Rachaelxo p.s. I am part of the One World-One Heart blog giveway, come visit and enter my giveaway!

Cassie said...

I am in constant wonder as to if my miracle anti-aging cream is doing anything!!! If I forget it for even one day though, I am freaked out!

http://afancifultwist.typepad.com said...

I sooooo agree!! We need to love ourselves. Why is it so hard sometimes though ;) I am going to give myself a hug, and then put myself under the covers with a mvoie and hot chocolate... xoxo

Kathleen Grace said...

I think we are so hard on ourselves physically because we seem to believe what the media and society tells us, that our greatest value lies in our sex appeal and beauty. When we start to age we panic. I think we need to conciously think about this harch critical voice within us, as you are doing, and realize we have value in so many areas that outweigh just how we look.

*The Beautiful Life* said...

Thanks so much, Joy. I agree with Lili M...it truly does seem that the older I get the less I sweat the lines, gray hair, etc...
For me, it took serious health scares to get me to loosen up a bit on myself (looks-wise, etc.). When you are not sure if you'll see the next Christmas, somehow the small stuff is just -- well, small...
Life is good and we're living "the good old days" right NOW. Enjoy 'em!
Thanks, friend!
-Ruth

Leah C said...

Thank you, Joy, for reminding us all to love ourselves...and forgive ourselves:)

An Accomplished Woman said...

Amen you are so right. We do need to be our own best friend.

A Sentimental Journey said...

JOY!!!! So yesterday I was waiting for a prescription and while sitting, picked up the latest copy of ROmantic Country Magazine, which I don't usually do because it's usually a bit too frou frou and frilly for me, but I'm thumbing along thru the pages and then I'm like "hey, wait a minute, that's JOY, and OMIGOSH that's WILBUR TOO!! I wanted to tell the pharmacist "hey. . . . I KNOW her" (well, not really, but kinda!) Anyway, I devoured the article and BOUGHT the mag just to bring it home and show DH that you're now famous and that I KNOW you (well, not really, but kinda!)

SOOOOOO happy for you and kinda proud of you too! Good Job, Joy! You are such a delight * congrats on a job well done!!! xoxoxo P

Shabbyfufu said...

Hi Joy, great post. The older that I get I feel more at peace with my inner self and have become my own best friend. It definitely makes one a happier soul:-) ~XO~ Janet

Tricia said...

Its so easy to be over critical of ourselves! Like "Lili M," I too am 47, and I was about to write exactly what she did. 40 was HARD! I'm more content with my looks now than I ever was.
What I've learned from reading your blog Joy, is that not only are you a beautiful woman, (you look like a model in your photos,) but more importantly, you have a beautiful spirit.

Glenda/MidSouth said...

Well said! The older I get, the less critical I am of myself.
Glenda

alicew said...

So true...I do that thing in the mirror all the time...and sometimes utter...well some not so nice things under my breath :( And then I catch myself...and have thought the exact same thing!!! Would I say what I just said to myself to my best friend...to anyone? NO! Then why do I deserve to hear it? Such a good lesson...thanks for the reminder!